Somewhere Earl Weaver is smiling

In honor of rapidly-approaching Opening Day, I present perhaps the greatest manager/umpire argument EVVVVVVER!

Check that CEO's papers!

The Onion has launched a new broadcast news service. As expected, it's great. This report studies the effects immigration has had on America boardrooms. Aside from the "They're takin' errr jawwwbs" overtones, I like the direct shots at corporate culture.

But can he pick up the full Worcester?

Aside from the assumption that Our Lord, Sweet Baby Jesus would throw only strikes, I'm still not sure this marks His return. I mean, what's up with that form? My Savior is throwing perfect hooks with a form that would make Dick AND Pete Weber cry.

Manning hates your kids

I've never been a Payton Manning hater. Sure, I prefer when he's walking off the field, shaking his head, his lips pursed, wondering where that safety came from (see left). But overall, there's a lot bigger chumps in this world than Manning I'd rather rage at.

Which is why this clip from his appearance on SNL is a riot. I'm pretty sure for the football clips, he just watched old footage of Dan Marino.

But has Jobu taught Wily Mo how to hit the curve yet?

A pretty dead on comparison between this year's Red Sox and the cast of Major League II. Frankly my favorite thought is the potential Dice-K/Wily Mo confrontation.

At least Cosby is funny

Apparantly there's some palace intrigue about Carlos Mencia stealing jokes from other comedians. Here's a supposed example of him ripping off Bill Cosby.

And here's a clip of Joe Rogan confronting Mencia on stage about stealing jokes. Gee, Im not sure which side I'm on in that conversation. It's like rooting for Exxon vs. Starbucks. Everyone loses.

Jim Henson rocks

Consider me the driver of the "Jim Henson was a freakin' comic genius" bandwagon.

Courtesy of Johnny Rockstar -- who somehow gets paid to find cool youtube clips -- here are a couple short classic Sesame Street clips that are funny even now.

This one could be entitled "Rachel and Rick on a Sunday afternoon." Guess who is who.

In this one, the Count launches a diabolical plan to count letters. My favorite part are the obvious ad libs as the puppeteers start to have a little fun with the bats.

Animal is one of my favorites. Here he is being interviewed by Kermit about his drums. Animal, btw, not a fan of the pun. This one is Animal vs. Rita Moreno. And finally, Animal gets schooled by Buddy Rich in a drum-off, and is gracious in defeat.

Hipster baby clothing

With smarm and irreverence the main currency of the post-GenX world, this new line of baby clothing makes total sense.

And does anyone actually use the term Gen-X anymore?

NBAers are tall

A collection of NBAers posing with drunk girls. Worth a couple minutes of perusing. Safe for work.

Larry Legend, crazy ladies, and ... sympathy cards for what?

Here's a link-a-lanche for ya...

Larry Legend doing what Larry Legend did best.

Boy they really do have greeting cards for everything now. Can't wait to see the Hallmark commercial for this one...

Not sure what would prompt an R-rating for the Transformers movie, unless Starscream and Skyfire finally end the charade and let their true feelings take over... By the way, did yoiu know Steven Spielberg is involved in the movie? Neither did I.

Hey Britney, now THIS is how you do crazy! Be sure to wait until she tries the roach killer al fresco.

And finally, this is just a brilliant idea. Can't believe all of these are real names. What are parents thinking?

Links stolen from BSG, fark.com, perezhilton.com

Sports Guys picks

For those trying to figure out their brackets, here's Bill Simmons' picks...

Frankly, I'm just posting it because it contains the line: "Winthrop (11), Creighton (10), Xavier (9) These teams sound like three preppie friends from a New England boarding school."

McCain wants you...to gamble

Now THIS is a guy who understand the Internet and how it can be used to lure in potential supporters...

Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is hosting his own NCAA tournament pool, and invites you to play along. And because you have to enter an E-mail address to play, it gives McCain an instant mailing list. Smart man.

Unfortunately, he loses points for a lack of cujones in his picks...the 4 number 1 seeds in the Final 4? Boo! I want my president to take chances! I mean, when national security ISN'T involved...

Blogging from Iraq

Well not me...but these guys are.

From what I understand, the two Iraqi guys running this blog (I think they're brothers) spent time in America and are now back living in Baghdad. They may ultimately turn out to have an agenda, but for now the blog's an interesting read on daily life in Baghdad, how everyday Iraqis are looking at the war, and some inside baseball about the Iraqi parliament.

Johnny Lawrence gets his revenge!

Quite frankly I'm floored by this clip.

I mean I understand time hasn't been good to them, but Billy Zabka, Martin Kove and the rest of the Cobra Kai decide to reunite for the video to "Sweep the Leg" by No More Kings. Who? Plus you have a reenactment of the Hill Valley Karate tournament, Zabka roller-blading in a pink speedo with a Larry Bird mustache, Dennis Hastings filling in for the departed-but-not forgotten Pat Morita and even a cameo by Ralph Macchio? Not to mention the Tex Cobb/Raising Arizona reference.

How has this not been a national news story, complete with appearances on Conan O'Brien?

I guess it helps that Zabka directed the vid.

Now THIS is spin...

Apparantly in Backwards Town, being found guilty on 4 of 5 charges of obstruction of justice and perjury means you've actually been found not guilty overall.

At least according to FoxNews.

Chris Simon cheapshot

I first heard about this listening to Dale and Holley this morning and thought "If Dale Arnold is calling for this guy to be kicked out for a long time, he musta done something pretty bad."

Then I saw it and its pretty shocking. It looks like something Ogie Ogilthorpe would do. Goes beyond Eddie Shore old-tyme hockey and way worse than what Bertuzzi or McInnis did.

Cleanliness is next to what-li-ness?

Good column from the San Francisco Chronicle on how Hollywood cleans up newsrooms. And I'm not just talking about the language, and the reporters, and the clothes, but also how literally the newsrooms look clean.

I don't have any dying plants on my desk, but I did just throw out an 18-month old package of peanut butter crackers that had become lost in one of my desk drawers.

Video craziness

Here are some video clips to help you while away your day...

Some friends decide to re-enact scenes from "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out" live. courtesy of JZ

What beats multiple clips of golf-related groin shots and temper tantrums? Not much... courtesy of Angry Man

...But this clip comes pretty close. You know those dunk tank clows at the fair that insult you? Ever want to assault one of them? Well this guy actually tried to. courtesy JZ

Your Quarterback, #12, Shawn Kemp!

Sigh. I don't know if this is true. But if it is, there's two potential reactions:

1) He is the man! Just induct him into the playa AND football halls of fame right now!

2) Wait...does this mean he's going to be too busy attending LaMaze classes and changing diapers during next season?

UPDATE: The gossip sheets say this isn't true. Still, can we get him a refresher health class, just to be safe?

He should have gave them the run-around

Everyone's favorite overweight, flak-jacket wearing harp player is in legal trouble again.

Or rather, as I see it, some harmonica-hating staties doctored their radar guns to read 111 mph, and then planted four rifles, nine handguns, a switchblade knife, a Taser and night vision goggles on his person.

To be fair, the pot was probably his.

Bill Russell, hall-of-famer or crank?

As I watched the opening seconds of this clip late last night (actually, early this morning) I could be heard audibly pleading, "Please God, no, no, Bill, don't do this," fearful that Celtics legend Bill Russell was about to become Daily Show fodder.

Fortunately, it had a happy and very, very funny ending.

For the record, I wasn't a fan of hers originally, but Samantha Bee has definately grown on me.

Save Borat!

Apparantly satire can be taken seriously.

Sasha Baron Cohen's battle with Kazakhstan over the use of www.borat.kz had made the State Department's annual human rights report, according to Reuters. Pissed that Borat was making fun of their country, Kazakhstan pulled Cohen's rights to use the .kz domain in Nov. 2005. This was cited in the report as an example of the Kazakhstan's "restrictions on freedom of speech and other abuses."

So for those scoring at home, yanking websites = bad; photographs of country bumpkins posing with naked prisoners of war = mezza mezza.

I can only hope high school chapters of Amnesty International will start staying after school to write letters on Borat's behalf...

Journalism 101: People actually read your stuff

Count me among the legions who think that, while supremely talented, Ron Borges is mainly just a big D-Bag.

For those looking for a good summation of all the events leading up to the suspension of the sportswriter who once beat up a guy wearing a neckbrace, I give you Cold Hard Football Facts, which has held a public grudge against Borges since they accused him in January of ripping off a story of theirs on the long-past Cleveland Browns dynasty . Gee, sound familiar?

To me, the moral of this whole thing will be -- aside from the standard "attribute your material" basic J-School lessons -- if you're going to be provocative, don't also be a jerk, because then you'll just have a whole host of enemies scouring your work looking for ways to pull you down. I bet this whole thing wouldn't have exploded this big if it involved someone like Tony Massarotti or Tom Curren.

P.S. I probably should change that above sentence to "the sportswriter who allegedly once beat up a guy wearing a neckbrace." Can never be too careful with those journalistic standards, ya know.

K-Fed gets a job...googling himself

Now this is a deal if I've ever heard one. In fact, it seems almost too good to be true.

Ever want to chill with K-Fed? No? Well, what if he promised to spend the night telling you Crazy Britney stories? Maybe? Good enough...

All you have to do is switch from that boring, stuffy old Google search engine, and scan the Internets using the only search engine officially endorsed by Kevin Federline. So that's mad sizzerches, plus, you get entered into a drawing to hang with The Fertile One. In fact, he'll even move in with you. No, seriously, he needs a place to stay. He says he'll go halfsies on the Doritos.

The Amazing Bob Dylan

How could I forget this one?

Did you know that Bob Dylan wrote every popular song of the past 35 years? Neither did I! But this footage proves it. (BIG props given to the clip's director who just nailed the Dylan documentary look.)

Also, this very well may be the most offensive thing I will ever post. The bar has been set very high. Consider yourself warned. The latest song and dance number from The Family Guy.

Botched dunks, Olberman, And on the 6th day...

1) I'd like to thank this Lithuanian guy for reinforcing the whole "white men can't jump" stereotype. What do you think would have happened to Gerald Green if he had gone crotch first into Nate Robinson?

2) I'm part of the generation of men who came of age listening to Keith Olberman give sports highlights while talking about biscuits in backets and shooters being "en fuego." I still am a fan now that he's willing to call out Bill O'Reilly and the chumps at Fox News. If you've never seen any of his end-of-show commentaries, you're missing out. Another great segment is his daily "Worst Person in the World" awards. Recently, it was Glen Beck's turn. Great clip. The girl he sexually harrasses on live TV can't possibly look more uncomfortable. It's like someone asked her if she likes The Who.

By the way, Glen Beck is the guy who once said: "I wonder if I'm alone in this - you know it took me about a year to start hating the 9-11 victims' families? Took me about a year."

3) I admit it. I enjoy wikipedia. Sometimes I'll just spend an hour looking stuff up and edumacating myself. And I know that wikis are criticized for sometimes lacking adequate sourcing. But it turns out they may be a lot more wrong than I realized.
Stephen Colbert would love conservapedia.com as it too feels that "facts" have a liberal bias.
Check out the entry on dinosaurs. Did you know that "there are a number of lines of evidence that point to dinosaurs and man coexisting" and that God created them on the 6th day?
Or that gravity is just a theory? Me neither!

Welcome to all ships at sea!

Welcome to the first day of my new blog. If you know me, you realize that I'll probably lose interest in keeping this going within a few weeks. But for now, this should be fun.

Rather than me sending out countless E-mails every day to my friends, or people I think are my friends, but probably are more like "acquaintences," of my favorite links, I'm just going to post them here. Then hopefully you'll pass it on to your friends and then they'll pass it on to their friends and then something magical will happen and I'll become stinkin' filthy rich.

The links I post will fall into two categories:
1) Things I find funny
2) Things I find mildly amusing enough to keep me entertained for five minutes.

(WARNING: This latter category may occasionally include somewhat educational material. I am a nerd at heart after all.)

I'm also going to try and keep things PG-13 so the links are safe for work. I won't vouch for what else you find on the Intranets, but you ain't gonna get no smut here. Unfortunately.

Also, some of the links will once in a while have a progressive/leftist/communistic/beatnik bend to them. To be fair, if you send me some of your right-wing hatemongering, I will try to include it also, providing it meets one of the two criteria laid out above.

Hopefully, this will become one of your regular stopping points in that period of time between doing actual work and contemplating whether you want to walk down to the vending mechines for a snack. Except, the bag of Peanut M+Ms always gets stuck, so you have to put another 70 cents in. But now you have two bags of M+Ms and you feel compelled to eat both, but not too fast so you can rationalize to yourself that you were at least keeping your blood sugar level stable. Ya, that time.