Sign of the Apocalypse?

Ugh. I feel a bit nauseous this morning. It has nothing to do with the pair of 40ozs I chugged last night. Nor losing a big hand despite holdings Queens over Jacks.

It's because I agree almost entirely with this Pat Buchanan column.

*urp*

I need some PeptoBismal. And a long shower to get rid of this dirty feeling.

Huckabee in a dress

I'm going to say it. democrats screwed up BIGTIME by going after Sarah Palin's personal issues. It is moronic to spread rumors about false pregnancies and Down's Symdrome babies -- it did nothing but throw oodles of symapthy her away and allow her to hide behind this wall of impreviousness when it comes to public criticism.

(The fact that the McCain campaign even THOUGHT about instituting a media blackout on Palin, and it didn't became a major story inofitself, goes to show just how much the media was cowering in the last couple day's of the convention)

If none of the family stuff gets brought up, Democrats could instead have spent the past two weeks painting her as Mike Huckabee in a skirt, or pointing out what a weak record she has as both a governor and mayor.

Here's a quick list of fun facts:

That she's a right-wing Pentecostal wacko: She believes in prophesies from God, feels that the Iraq War is part of God's plan, and asked high school students to pray for a new gas pipe through Alaska. She also wants creationism taught in schools and belongs to a church where the pastor believes that Alaska will become a refuge for saved souls during the Apocalypse.

As mayor, she governed a town that charged sexual assault victims for rape kits, and raised taxes to pay for the construction of a new sports complex that still has the town tied up in litigation. She also reportedly asked the town library how she could go about banning books.I n addition, she is anti-gay rights and anti-abortion, even in instances of incest and rape.

As governor, she did put the former governor's jet on Ebay. But it failed to sell. So she had to hire an outside firm to sell it at a loss. She may have cut millions of dollars from the state's budget, including money for hospitals and social service agencies, but she has also overseen an average 10% increase in spending since taking office. She's also hired oil lobbyists onto her staff, and hired other lobbyists to advocate on behalf of the state for pork-barel spending. Plus there's the whole firing the public safety commissioner for refusing to fire her ex-brother-in-law from the state police thing.

Now I'm not going to go as far as Salon.com did in this column, but i do think attacking Sarah Palin the ultra-conservative would have been much more effective than attacking Sarah Palin the mother.

Ow, my brain hurts

(right: my favorite Palin)

OK, I have too many thoughts about the Presidential race that I need to get off my chest, so here goes.

• It was nice of the RNC to allow Comedy Central to film a new celebrity roast of Barack Obama last night. Jeezus. They did everything but throw out a dick joke involving Obama and Bea Arthur. I kept waiting for Jeffrey Ross and Gilbert Godfried to take the stage.

• I think Sarah Palin has made it clear that she's fair game. She savaged Barack and the Dems last night, which in my opinion, opens her up to similar treatment. It reminds me of the youtube video of the girl sparring with the guy wearing boxing gloves. She throws a few playful jabs, sees that he's taking it easy on her, so she lands a few stiff shots to his head. But that just pisses the guy off so he takes a step forward and blasts her in the mush with a short right hand.

• I also thought it was nice for Palin to essentially endorse Deval Patrick. Hey, if being governor for 20 months gives you enough executive experience to run for Vice-President, that makes Deval Patrick well-qualified as well! Of course, Palin is in charge of a state with fewer people in it than the city of Boston and that is bursting at the seams with oil residuals. But I guess that's neither here nor there.

• But what was up with Palin taking shots at McCain? I mean, he doesn't have any executive experience. Does that make her more qualified to be President than John McCain? And how dare she take potshots at the media and Washington DC high society! Doesn't she know that John McCain has been the Zack Morris of both for the past 20 years?

• I do agree we should leave family issues out of this, and that even the whole experience argument is well blown out of proportion. We should be focusing on more pertinant issues such as the fact she is a wacko evangelical Christian who believes that she receives prophesies from above, calls the Iraq War just in the eyes of God, and believes in praying to God for the construction of a $30 billion gas pipeline through her state. Or that she's been a member of the Alaska Independance movement and even taped a speech for their most recent convention. Or that she is also anti-abortion, even in cases of incest and rape, wants creationism taught in schools, and, in irony of all ironies, slashed funding for support services for teenage moms while supporting abstinance-only sex education.

• As for Mitt Romney, I have never heard someone give a 10-minute speech using nothing but slogans from bumper stickers. Quite impressive actually. Sort of like a dog eating an entire wheel of cheese. I can't even be mad.

I did, however, get a copy of Mitt's original draft of his speech. The parts that were edited out are in Italics.

For decades, the Washington sun has been rising in the east — Washington has been looking to the eastern elites, to the editorial pages of the Times and the Post, and to the broadcasters from the coast. How dare they ignore the sensible corn-fed editorials of the Des Moines Register! I mean, why won't anybody listen to Rush Limbaugh, or watch FoxNews and Bill O'Reilly?

If America really wants change, it’s time to look for the sun in the west, cause it’s about to rise and shine from Arizona and Alaska! That's right. The earth is about to change its rotation! And you thought global warming was going to be bad!

Last week, the Democrats talked about change. But let me ask you — what do you think Washington is right now, liberal or conservative? Is a Supreme Court liberal or conservative that awards Guantanamo terrorists with constitution rights? It’s liberal! Is a government liberal or conservative that puts the interests of the teachers union ahead of the needs of our children? It’s liberal! Under a John McCain Administration, we're going to make sure teachers receive $12 an hour and can be fired for the smallest and pettiest of reasons!

Is a Congress liberal or conservative that stops nuclear power plants and offshore drilling, making us more and more dependent on Middle East tyrants? It’s liberal! Especially that liberal Congress from 1994-2006! What a bunch of Marxists! If only they'd listened to Big Oil lobbyists and put in place higher fuel effeciency standards and funded alternative energy research!

Is government spending — excluding inflation — liberal or conservative if it doubles since 1980? It’s liberal! Ignore the fact that the Oval Office has been occupied by Republicans for 20 of those 28 years, and that the national debt grew at its greatest rate EVER when Republicans were in charge of both Congress and the Presidency! It's those damn liberals fault!

We need change all right — change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington — throw out the big government liberals and elect John McCain! Uh, again, ignore the fact that Republicans have been in charge of the Executive branch for 20 of the last 28 years.

It’s the same prescription for a stronger economy. I spent 25 years in the private sector. I’ve done business in many foreign countries. I know why jobs come and why they go away. I should know, because I'm the guy that lays off workers, cuts their benefits and then ships jobs overseas.

And I know that liberals don’t have a clue. They think we have the biggest and strongest economy in the world because of our government. They’re wrong. America is strong because of the ingenuity and entrepreneurship and hard work of the American people. The American people have always been the source of our nation’s strength and they always will be! White people, of course. White, rich people.

We strengthen our people and our economy when we preserve and promote opportunity. Opportunity is what lets hope become reality. Opportunity expands when there is excellence and choice in education, when taxes are lowered, when every citizen has affordable, portable health insurance, and when constitutional freedoms are preserved. And under President Obama we can see those opportunities become realities. (Oops, wait...strike this part)

Opportunity rises when children are raised in homes and schools that are free from pornography, promiscuity and drugs; in homes that are blessed with family values and the presence of a father and a mother. Yup, good old family values. If you don't got them, pretty soon your teenage daughter is knocked up by a high school hockey player.

America cannot long lead the family of nations if we fail the family here at home!

Liberals would replace opportunity with dependency on government largesse. They grow government and raise taxes to put more people on Medicaid, to take work requirements out of welfare, and to grow the ranks of those who pay no taxes at all. Dependency is death to initiative, risk-taking and opportunity. It is time to stop the spread of government dependency to fight it like the poison it is! And I'm including the tens of billions of taxdollars we give away every year in corporate welfare! That's right, Exxon/Mobil, time to pull yourselves up by the bootstraps! You too, Lockheed Martin!

It’s time for the party of big ideas, not the party of Big Brother! I mean, what type of party would implement new rules and laws that violate the freedoms guaranteed by our Constitution? What's next, warrantless wiretapping and domestic spying? Holding American citizens in secret jails and denying them access to lawyers? I'd hate to live in that kind of country!

Our economy is under attack. China is acting like Adam Smith on steroids, buying oil from the world’s worst, and selling nuclear technology. Russia and the oil states are siphoning more than 500 billion dollars a year from us in what could become the greatest transfer of economic wealth in history. This is no time for timid, liberal empty gestures.

Our economy has slowed down this year and a lot of people are hurting. What happened? Mortgage money was handed out like candy, speculators bought homes for free — when this mortgage mania finally broke, it slammed the economy. And stratospheric gas prices made things even worse. If only we had some sort entity that could set in place rules or regulations to prevent these problems and abuses from happening in the first place.

Democrats want to use the slowdown as an excuse to do what their special interests are always begging for: higher taxes, bigger government and less trade with other nations. It’s the same path Europe took a few decades ago. It leads to moribund growth and double-digit unemployment. And Amstel Light. By God, I will not allow the creation of another Amstel Light onto this world!

The right course is the one championed by Ronald Reagan 30 years ago, and by John McCain today. It is to rein in government spending and to lower taxes, for taking a weed whacker to excessive regulation and mandates, for putting a stop to tort windfalls, and to stand up to the tyrannosaurus appetite of government unions! You know, the dinosaurs that walked the Earth with Jesus? Speaking of Jesus, I miss Ronald Reagan. Anyone else?

It is to pursue every source of energy security, from new efficiencies to renewables, from clean coal to non-CO2 producing nuclear, and the immediate drilling for more oil off of our shores! And I have one more recommendation for energy conservation — let’s keep Al Gore’s private jet on the ground! Plus he talks like a fag!

Did you hear any Democrats talk last week about the threat from radical, violent Jihad? Republicans believe that there is good and evil in the world. Ronald Reagan called-out the Evil Empire. George Bush labeled the terror-sponsor states the Axis of Evil. Diplomacy is for fags and athiests!

And at Saddleback, after Barack Obama dodged and ducked every direct question, John McCain hit the nail on the head: radical violent Islam is evil, and he will defeat it! Unlike that fag Obama who wants to use diplomacy. What a fag.

Republicans prefer straight talk to politically correct talk! Offer not valid from January 1, 2008 - Nov. 6, 2008. Sorry Tennessee.

Republicans, led by John McCain and Sarah Palin, will fight to preserve the values that have preserved the nation. We will strengthen our economy and keep us from being held hostage by Putin, Chavez and Ahmadinejad. And we will never allow America to retreat in the face of evil extremism! Have I mentioned that Democrats are a bunch of wimpy fags?

Just like you, there has never been a day when I was not proud to be an American. Especially on those days where I received milions in dollars in bonus pay just for kicking a few tens of thousands of Americans out of work, cutting their benefits and dissolving their retirement plans. God, I really do love this country!

We inherited the greatest nation in the history of the earth. It is our burden and privilege to preserve it, to renew its spirit so that its noble past is prologue to its glorious future. And keep it free from fags, queers, and liberal hippie do-gooders.

To this we are all dedicated and I firmly believe, by the providence of the Almighty, that we will succeed. President McCain and Vice President Palin will keep America as it has always been — the hope of the world.

Collins Ferner Wedding 08

Holy crap, I'm a married man! There are a lot of single ladies out there weeping tonight. Or so I like to tell myself.

In about 13 hours I will be boarding a plane for a week in Curacao (its next to Aruba) where I will enjoy a week of 90 degree weather and come back probably as red as a lobster.

But before that, just wanted to post some thoughts on the weekend, especially for those of you that couldn't make it out here.

The theme for the weekend was cold. All week we were watching the forecats and from about Saturday to Wednesday it all said the same thing: partly cloudy and in the mid-60s on Friday and Saturday. Great! we thought. But by Friday it was clear it was going to be overcast with frequnet showers and temps in the mid-50s. And as it turned out, the church picked the wrong week to rip out its heating system.

So it was pretty frigid in the church for the rehersal dinner. And it remained pretyt chilly the next night for the wedding, although I didn't notice since I was wearing a nice warm tux.

I played golf in the morning with my two brothers-in-law, soon-to-be cousin in law, father-in law, dad and uncle. It was cold and damp and i may have torn a pectoral muscle trying to muscle a 5-iron out of the long grass, but it was a good time had by all.

We showed up at the church sober and looking sharp. My worst fear leading up to the wedding wasn't actually getting hitched itself, but that my notoriously nervous bladder would act up in the middle of the ceremony. Sure enough, even though I had just visited the boys room, as soon as the processional music kicked in I had to go. My bloodpressure also dropped in half prompting me to think I was about to hit the deck. Thakfully, as I started to watch all the beautiful bridesmaids make their way down, and then as I watched my glowing, gorgeous bride walk down the aisle, all was good.

The service was amazing. I don't think it's a threat to me manhood to say it was basically what I hoped for. I think my parish looks beautiful in the evening light and I really enjoyed the service our minister put together. Nothing fancy; it was very traditional. Rachel did jump the gun during the vows, answering "I will" before the priest had even finished asking her the question. I thanked her for her enthusiasm. I also made sure to stare down Genova so she wouldn't object.

We spent about 45 minutes in the church reenacting parts of the ceremony that our photographer just couldn't get during the service, then we did the standard pictures with the families and bridal party. I had on my "fake smile" as everyone put it.

It had started to rain again, so we couldn't stand up through the sunroof on the way to the reception. We did chug a half bottle of champagne straight from the bottle and chuck the cork into a car full of our friends while stopped at a red light.

The reception was a blast. I scarfed down about 3 pounds of meatballs and bacon-wrapped scallops prior to being introduced. We made it through our first dance without embarrassing ourselves, and partied well into the evening.

I highly reccommend the suites at the Quincy Marriott. They are freakin' ginormous. When we got back to the hotel, I changed into a simple 3-piece flannel suit and bowtie, while Rachel donned a housecoat. I smoked a pipe while reading about the day's stock trades as Rachel served some tea and worked on her cross-stitching. As far as you know.

We ended up hosting an afterparty until about 3 am. Zaremba was afraid of lugging a cooler up, so he stuffed all the beer bottles into the foot of my tuxedo bag. I had the smarts to demand Chinese food and we chowed down on a late night snack of pork fried rice, beef on a stick and general gau's chicken.

The worst part of the weekedn was the cookout on Saturday. He had set up a tent in my dad's yard in case it rained, which it did. But it was also cold and windy -- a terrible trifecta. I would have been OK, if it was cold and windy, but the sun was out, or if it was rainy, but warm -- people still could have sat outside a bit. But cold, windy and raint meant everyone was crammed isnide, except for those hearty few -- like me -- who just crowded around the grill outside instead.

We had a great family dinner Saturday night and then played host to the famous Cindy Gierhart and Friends until Rachel and I passed out from exhaustion around 11:30. God, we're so old already.

So now its Sunday afternoon and we're leaving for the airport hotel soon. I attached a few of the pictures we've received already, and I'll be sure to post some more when we get back!

Thanks to everyone who came -- it was a great time! Let's do it again next year!

(Just kidding Rachel -- please don't hit me)

Fulfilling prophesies

Oh irony, you never cease to be funny. Sometimes you're just tempting fate by wearing "Stupidity is not a crime" t-shirts out in public.

Welcome back, Billy Buckner

Bravo. Awesome call, Red Sox!

(No, seriously. This is long overdue. Billy Buck is a career .300 hitter and was a key to the '86 pennant and deserves to be remembered as such.)

A very wet bar

Very cool video taken from inside a ferry boat during stormy seas. Big props to some true drinkers for not spilling their beer, even as they're sliding across the floor.